No Texting While Camping!

"Please, No Texting Within A Billion Feet of My Face."

When I die, I am coming back as an Enormous Yosemite Redwood Tree, to block out all cell reception.

When you're texting, and walk straight into my cart at the grocery store, I can tolerate that.

When you're texting, and literally SLAM straight into my face at the mall, hey, I can even tolerate that.

When you're texting during my meetings at the office, I can tolerate that.

When camping with your friends and family? Shut it down!  Turn it off! Close it up! Lock it away!  I can't tolerate that.

This weekend, my sons Griffin & Kai met with Walter, his wife, and kids.  They have three children and brought two of their nephews.   

Saturday evening we were roasting dogs and bratwurst.  We used the twigs that the boys had been whittling away at all day with their tiny pocket knives.  Everything was roasting golden brown over our awesomely crafted bonfire. 

The campfire smoke was in my hair.  The earth was under my fingernails. The stars were so close, you could touch 'em.  The river next to our camp was rushing but calm, you could hear people skipping stones across the surface.  It was Yosemite Heaven.

AAAHHH BABAAA SO~WENYA! MAMA BEATSE~BABAH! 

And then Walt happened……

Walt was sitting in his titanium folding chair recliner.  King of Curry Village.  He kept laughing in hysterics, clutching his iPad.  He was enamored at the emails his work buddies kept sending him.  Walt's face was GLOWING from his iPad screen brighter than our bonfire.  Every time Walt chuckled to himself, the kids would all stop and stare at Walt, waiting for him to share the Juicy Joke.

Nope.  Walt's silence drove the kids into disappointment.  This went on, every five minutes, on cue FOR THE NEXT HOUR.  Walt loved that iPad like a newborn panda.

It was distracting.

I'm in my late thirties.  I'm not ninety-five yelling about how "MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS AN ABOMINATION!" (Well, slightly).

I asked "Wi-Fi Walter" to kindly put his iPad awayyyyyyy.  But he just kept going toward "The Lighhht".

That night I kissed each kid on their forehead, said, "Goodnight, Don't Let the Hanta-Virus Bugs Bite!"

I went into my little Curry Village Cabin.  I dreamt a wonderful dream that evening:

"Hiking to the top of Half Dome with "Wi-Fi Walter".  Just as "Wi-Fi Walt" is laughing into his iPad, I FLIP IT OUT OF HIS HANDS AND IT GOES TUMBLING DOWN HALF DOME, BOUNCING AND CRACKING ON EVERY LEDGE AND BRANCH ON THE WAY DOWN!"  C'est la vie, Walter, C'est la vie.

*Note: Proper Etiquette, when vacationing with friends, never text or check emails during that special social hour. Do it when you're alone. It's so offensively rude.